ODA Is Draining Our Lake!
By Jackson Toomey
​
Due to recent alligator attacks in and around the high school, the ODA administration has decided to retaliate against them and drain the entire ODA lake.
In years past the gators residing in the lake have posed a challenge to maintaining the safety requirements of the school. Thankfully, due to Florida's leniency in maintaining a gator-free environment, it was never a significant enough issue for them to thoroughly deal with.
Unfortunately, in the past three weeks, there has been an unexpected increase in gator-related injuries. Typically in one ODA school year, there are around one to two gator attacks on students; however, in the last few weeks there have been eight separate attacks on students and faculty. Clearly, something has to be done.
After an intense meeting about possible solutions to this issue, the ODA administration came to the conclusion that the removal of the primary habitat of the gators would likely cause them to vacate the premises. Reviewing the blueprints of the lake allowed them to discover a central drain pipe in the middle of the lake. Simply twisting the pipe would release all the water into the sewers.
Since ODA has absolutely no funding for such a dangerous task, they decided to enlist the help of the students. To ensure there were enough volunteers for the mission, they named the project “Lake Exploration Day,” describing it as a fun, character-building activity. Initially, students were reluctant to participate in such suspicious activity but suddenly became very inclined when offered eight community service hours.
In order to prepare students for the dangers of the deep part of the lake, ODA has graciously offered floaties and small plastic knives courtesy of FLIK Dining. The leader of the mission will wear the Thor mascot outfit to symbolize the bravery of the students. The entire mission will be documented with an extremely expensive underwater camera that ODA wisely invested in instead of hiring animal control. This footage will be posted on the ODA website, so make sure to stay updated on this upcoming event.